You met a great guy and you really want to see him again. He’s charming and funny, but after a few days of silence, you’re wondering if you should text him again. It’s a good question.
Just because a boy is charming doesn’t mean he’s the right match for you (or that he’s looking for a relationship with you). But if you communicate the right way from the start, you can quickly tell if it’s right for you.
If he’s not, you can move on to someone who has the potential to be an ideal partner for deep and lasting love.
There’s no reason to wait when it comes to establishing who you are and what you need.
At the start of a new relationship, you have the opportunity to establish healthy communication patterns, and texting is a big part of that early dating process.
Knowing when, how, and how often to communicate will help nurture your budding relationship.
However, the natural limitations of texting aren’t the only communication challenge you may face. Some minor communication problems can escalate into bigger problems in the relationship.
That’s why it’s important to establish who you are and what you need — and the best time to do that is when you’re getting to know a guy you like. This way, you won’t waste time with someone who isn’t right for you anyway.
Obvious miscommunications may show up immediately, but if you don’t know what you’re looking for, they can easily be missed.
Remember that the dating process is a selection process, so it is essential to be clear about how you would like your future spouse to communicate with you to choose an ideal partner.
Establish who you are early on by following these 9 key communication rules:
1. Keep your texts simple.
Text communication is best used for logistics information.
“What time do we meet on Saturday?
“I’ll park the car and see you in a few moments.”
“I’m sitting at the back of the cafe.”
Emojis have made it easier to express emotions through text, but there are very few nuances or subtleties in a heart or a smiley face. Any important conversation should take place face to face or over the phone.
Having important text conversations creates too many opportunities for misinterpretation and misunderstanding because there is no tone in the text.
The way your mind is designed is to fill in the blanks – and that’s true in every situation you find yourself in. So text-based communication leaves a lot of space to fill in and you fill in the blanks with the person on the other end.
2. Don’t go after a guy who keeps quiet.
Should you text him first or wait for him to contact you? What if you’re free on Saturday and want to make sure you see it?
The rules for texting might seem confusing, but they’re actually quite simple.
A man who is interested in a relationship with you will chase you for a relationship.
If he doesn’t contact you to see you again, doing so to schedule a date with him will reverse the energetics and possibly waste your time with a man who is not ready for a relationship and does not want to. that a practical friend with advantages.
That doesn’t mean you can’t text him first, because in specific situations you’ll want to contact him. Letting him know that you enjoyed your last date or that you miss the sound of his voice can inspire him to reach out to you.
But if you are still the one initiating the contact, then stop and see if he intervenes. You will find out right away if he is serious about you or not.
3. Talk on the phone more than you text.
Texting is super easy and doesn’t require much effort. That’s why a lot of guys will just text and not call you. Moreover, it seems that no one takes the time to listen to a voicemail anymore.
What if you want to hear his voice or just don’t like texting? How do you get him to call you instead of texting?
The key is to get him to call you instead of complaining that he doesn’t. Let him know how you feel when you hear his voice. You can be playful and let her know that you’re starting to wonder if you remember the sound of her voice.
When he calls you, let him know how much you like him, he will quickly change his ways.
4. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
In a perfect world, your soul mate will intuitively know what your needs and wants are and will fulfill them without you having to ask. Clinging to this fantasy creates disappointment, frustration and heartache.
Attraction and deep love don’t come with mind-reading powers.
On the other hand, analyzing every little thing he does, looking for the hidden meaning will leave you confused, anxious and frustrated.
Communication is the key to meeting your needs. Ask for what you want and what you need. Share with him how you feel. Talk to him about your desires and goals in the relationship.
5. Watch a man’s actions to learn who he is.
Most people avoid conflict, so keep that in mind when talking to the guy you’re dating.
Some may accept your requests but never follow up. Others profess their love for you but don’t make the effort to see you regularly. Hey may be charming, but that doesn’t mean it’s for you.
A man shows you what is important to him by his actions. He puts time, energy and resources into the things he enjoys. If you’re always second on his priority list, even though he swears how much he loves you, then you may not be as important to him as he says.
6. Face conflict with respect and expect respect in return.
Conflicts and misunderstandings are inevitable in a romantic relationship. Do not flatten the bumps. Discord is about seeing if you can create a deeper connection and understanding for each other.
Avoiding conflict will only drive a wedge between the two of you as anger and resentment build up over time.
Ultimately, you want to be loved and appreciated just the way you are. This means talking about the issues that make you feel uncomfortable. It is imperative to clean up your behavior when it is not kind or loving.
Conflicts can be scary, but they can also be a doorway to deeper connection if you take a mindful approach. Keep calm and share your truth. Allow your partner to share their side.
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You don’t have to agree on the matter, but if you approach conflict with compassion and respect, you’ll feel more emotionally connected than before the disagreement.
7. Make it clear if you want help or a listening ear.
Men are hardwired to help and fix and the fact that a man cares about you means he wants to help you.
It’s wired to solve your problems when you raise them. So if you want to enlist his help in solving a problem, that’s great. If you want him to listen to you, tell him because he will automatically be in mode to try to fix everything for you.
You can let off steam and another option is to call a friend, as they will instinctively start offering suggestions and solutions to your problems.
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This single communication contrast between men and women has been the downfall of many marriages. To create harmony in your relationship, assess your goal – are you looking for a listening ear or a fixer?
8. Acknowledge it and appreciate it.
Men are not reciprocal by nature. They are more focused on efficiency.
If you’re dealing with something, he won’t recognize the strange expression on your face – that subtle hint that you’d like some help.
Instead, he will put his energy elsewhere because he sees you taking care of this thing. It would never have occurred to him to help you because he considers you a capable person.
Don’t fall into the trap of overdoing your relationship and expecting your man to step in and help you.
9. Share what matters to you.
Instead of holding back your marriage and family desires, share from the start that these are your relationship goals.
You don’t have to say you want kids in the next two years on a first date, but share that being a mom is important to you.
If you’re scaring him, be grateful you didn’t waste time with someone who ultimately doesn’t want the same things in life as you do.
It’s not your shared interests in hobbies or entertainment that will help your relationship stand the test of time. It’s the fact that you’re both on the same page about what really matters.
When you agree on how you want to live your life and you share the same values, it’s easy to get back on the same page when disconnected.
The dating process is a selection process that takes some time. Choosing a life partner means taking a risk and being yourself.
If this terrifies you a little or a lot, you are not alone. Rather than jumping in with both feet the moment the guy on the other side of the table strikes a chord with you, you can slow things down by assessing his ability to meet your needs.
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Orna and Matthew Walters are soul mate coaches who served as guest experts on Bravo’s “The Millionaire Matchmaker.” They are the authors of the free e-book, “7 Steps To Soulmating”, which can be found on their website.
This article originally appeared on Creating Love On Purpose. Reprinted with permission from the author.